My Life

I'm sure many many people can relate to the feeling ~ Unloved. My cousins never called, sure I'm upset about it but I don't blame them, if I was India I wouldn't bother listening to someone complain about the weather and school. And plus I haven't had a guy in my life in like forever. I guess I'm just being a bit dramatic. 

I was getting fake pregnancy symptoms, I really wanted a baby, huh? Maybe too much dreaming. My belly was becoming bloated and I started to throw up at school, I actually considered maybe getting a test, but then i realised. You have to have sex to be pregnant. And I hadn't lost my v-card ~ not yet anyway. I pray to anyone who can help, I wish I could become pregnant and have a baby, obviously when I'm a little older, please.

(Clearly Weird, Talking to Self. Screw Therapists, I give my own Therapy) OMG You cannot like Luke, not after all he's done. I don't love him, I'm just having second thoughts on do forgetting him. I know it's hard, but nobody said it was easy to move on. No kidding, it's really hard to move on when he's all up in your face. I know- wait, what? Not in that way! I meant he's in like all my classes and I just can't avoid him, he nearly tried to talk to me after I sent that text. (I sent him a text saying: i give up. Which means I give up on trying to get him, he probably is still confused and hasn't gotten that yet) Hmmm... Yeah soooo Sooo? Theo James boo boo? What? He doesn't like me... I bet if he met you he would He's a celebrity and I'm not... -yet! No it won't work plus he's like 30 (29 to be precise) he's way way older. True. Infact I think he's old enough to be my dad... Weird. Not weird! Imagine if h...

I had a new man in my life, sure he didn't know me and is so much older than me but he is just yum!  Even still with this positive attitude I didn't want to go to school, I didn't do my history homework for the third time, didn't do my English homework, had PE today. Had science today, I was getting Sick of all these teachers, of all these kids. I wish someone would just come out of nowhere and give me a better life. 

I don't want to go back, not just to my school but to my life. Things are so complicated and it's hard trying to figure them out, it seems like there's no outcome, no end to this everlasting cycle of madness. I hate my school, this society, my town, this body. I hate it all but most of all I hate this world and what a cruel place it's become. I don't want to go back.

The main reason I haven't been posting. The Holiday was truly lovely, I hadn't really gone for a holiday but to get together with some relatives who live abroad in India. I had an amazing time, but I really didn't want to leave. But since I prepared myself for the leaving I had it all covered and I only cried like once. Well, you don't expect me to not cry at all? Anyway I'm definitely not looking foward to school, but after watching Easy A, I decided that I wouldn't care about how I looked, or what people thought of me. I was my own person. I only hope that myself will keep with those thoughts next week. In India however, I met a crush. No they wasn't living with us. No it was not one of my relatives -that would be really weird!- It was... Theo James! Yes, I watched Divergent in India and watching it my eyes were always on Four, I mean he's A-DOOOOOR-ABLE. But instead of having a little 'Ryan Gosling' 'oh he's hot' thing, I have ...

I had the goodbye I always wanted. It was hard but it was also sweet. Maybe somewhere deep down I knew it wasn't going to work out.  Last Night I dyed my hair. Yes I dyed my hair. Instead of coming out red it came out purple. But it was still excellent, it was new and fresh and made me look so much more interesting. Instead people would notice me. Maybe only as the one with purple hair or grape but it was epic the effect. It was the talk of the year do done day. '---- has died their hair purple! OMG how did they not get in trouble? That was a bold move.' Anyway aside from that Luke noticed. He kept on smiling at me, now I wasn't sure if it was because he was about to laugh or he was trying to get used to it but it was awesome. A few teachers noticed ~ hah still not in trouble!  So today was an alright day. Oh I forgot I watched a performance that one of my siblings was in and it was... okay.