My Life

 So you know how I was talking about Ben in the last post. Well. He turned out to be a catfish. Haha, just my luck. Honestly, sometimes it feels like there's some being working against me, when it comes to my love life, like everyone around me has had these romantic experiences, even those in similar positions to me. And yet, I have somehow never had those experiences. I think some of it is partly due to my low self-esteem, and being shy, and also the fact that I can even find pretty hot guys not attractive. I have some weird sort of attraction system, when I see them I sort of know in that moment. And usually I have a good sort of gut-feeling on this, like I like a guy and usually our personalities mesh well together. Anyway, so I got cat fished by this Ben. Remember, I talked about him not replying for a few days or even being online. Well it's cause that's not fucking him! He was even verified on the app, like how bad is that. He got verified for pictures that aren't...

Hello, how are you doing. Me? I'm doing great. I recently broke my vow of staying away from men during my education. And well, it's been quite... what's the word... uplifting? It gives me hope that some day, I can find someone truly amazing, and that I don't need to lower my expectations. Literally on this dating app, I was liked by many, many hot guys. And yes don't get me wrong - some, actually most - were weirdos or perverts but there were some really cool guys. But it's weird, I like the fact that I can have these guys but when it comes to talking to them for more than a day, I don't feel any satisfaction. It's like I want to know that they're there but I don't want to act on it.  Some of them have caught my attention more than others. It literally got so bad that I had to just stop talking to most of them, I also figured that that's better then entertaining people, who I'm not interested in. I'm also glad that this time, guys are...

 So today, I'm updating on the fact that nothing particularly interesting has happened. I think I myself would rather over detail things so that I don't have to rely solely on triggering memories when reading back these posts. And perhaps in the future I'll cut down these posts. I was recently reading through some  of my old posts, and some of the feelings just feel so foreign to me, it reminds me that people can really change. And it's opened my eyes to the fact that all the horrible people that I've condoned to being never communicated with ever again might actually be decent people now. But that also means that all the good people that I once knew might not even be that good anymore... It's definitely something to think about.  I keep trying to persuade myself to watch my lectures or work on my webtoon, but I just always have the desire to do something else. Something that I enjoy. It kinda keeps making me rethink doing computer science as a degree. It's ...