My Life

I've never felt so alone, so lost, so empty inside. I am trying my best to forget about Luke, and just move on but it is so hard. All the time, I just work, work, work and I'm just doing school work so much, I have nothing fun in my life. And I don't even feel anything ANYTHING for anyone else apart from him. It's been over 2 months since I last saw him, shouldn't I at least start to feel better? Why does everyday feel like it hurts more? Why can I not find that one guy who makes me feel something? Why am I so fucking in love with Luke? God, what is up with this. I want another chance, another shot, another guy. Someone who I will truly feel something for, and he will feel something for me. You know what, even if the whole fucking world loved me, maybe that would make me feel a little better. Or just maybe it is that I'm going to be alone forever, Maybe I can pretend to love someone else. With enough practise, I can probably convince myself. When I think back ...

I want to start a new life, but I don't want to end this one to do so. Slowly I am becoming the woman I want to be, step by step. I will grow my hair long, cure my acne, and remove any other blemishes that society will find distasteful. I want to become the woman every man adores, the woman that can get any man she wants even if he is already taken. I want to be the woman that men have their dirtiest fantasies about. I want to change the world that we know.

Today I'm 15. I can't believe how time flies, soon I will be going back to school. I think that some people will have changed but I'm not afraid. Change is good, in some cases... But what I am afraid of is things that haven't changed, the same shitty school life with the same shitty friends, who really do not give a shit about me. Most of the people I hang around with probably didn't even know it's my birthday. The worst is when they forget your birthday and don't do anything and then they expect you to do something for theirs like what? no way. It's strange even on my birthday, I'm thinking of Luke. Did he even know?