My Life

In three years, it's just going to be me. Just me and myself. But I'm not scared. I'm a fighter. I don't give up that easily. I've been going through hell for too long, to let this chance slip. Suffering too much to let it slip. I'm Ready. You're just a ghost now.

It's like fucking seriously, you don't let me be who i am? fine. But don't start insulting and offending that fact. This all happened the day I finished my 'first day' at this new school that looked pretty darn good. It was... different. I met this really really cute boy, easily could replace Luke! LOL, only joking. Luke and Brad (Oh his name is Brad too, hot name too ;) anyways I think he likes me - I know it sounds so cliche. But it's true, I looked over at him then looked away he then looked over at me and then looked away and we both kept glancing at each other's faces. It was GLORIOUS. He is just... YUM!

I felt like fucking utter shit. From the fact that my body was sore and feels like it could snap with one punch, to the fact that my so-called best friend treats me like I'm inferior to her. Well bitch, the fucking world doesn't revolve around you, you know. You can treat me like dirt, you can treat me like shit, but I'll never be a fat ginger cow like you. So go to your online-physco possibly-pedophilic boyfriend and both go hang yourselves. Honestly, she couldn't have made me feel worse, unless she started calling me names when I was going home like somebody (P). Anyway, she should not be the center of my anger, I should not waste time on a fat obese ginger slut-faced shit-headed scum bag. Anyhow, as I was saying, something bigger was happening in my life (not that anything can be bigger than her fat ass!) I was moving schools. It was a weird feeling, like the feeling you get when you start highschool, you get scared of loosing your friends. But you also have that sor...

Why did god create me this way? Why am I built like this? Why do I have to live like this? Why can't I be like any other normal person? Why can't I be popular? Why can't I be happy? Why do I have to be so depressed all the time? Why does it always rain on me? Why does life always kick me down, when I just got back up?

My parents literally found out my biggest secret in probably the worst way possible. I want to die.

I'm depressed, because my friend saw a photo of me on my phone that was private and very personal... Because my father won't let me go to anybody's house and because I'm moving schools and I want to talk to the school and sort out something the problem is I can't. Because then I would have to tell my parents. I'm also sad because I'll miss my friends and my councillor, who I've only started to get to know. I'm not sure it's going to be a right or wrong move since the school has some bad things been said about it from my friends (they might only be saying that becahse they don't want me to leave) yet some good things from a girl who goes there (a friend of a friend) and when I went to the school they had a pretty darn awesome school to me - and they had a famous person in their school! 

I feel so sad, I wish there was someone to talk to.

My parents had gone away for a while so I decided I was going to have a brill time in the shower, using all my creams, fancy soap, washing my hair, washing my underwear in the sink. And I was until next minute I hear loads of shouting and complaining, for a minute I thought it was in my head since I'm so used to my mother complaining but sadly no it wasn't just in my head, I had to quickly rush out the shower, my hair soaking wet but not washed, my creams all lined up ready to be used, my toothpaste sitting on the sink rim, and my underwear in the sink soaking. I had to quickly hide everything, collect my creams and toothpaste up and dash out, whilst my mother was shouting constantly, strangely it wasn't about how late my shower was, but about how my dad discussed my mothers strange eating habbits tbh they are strange. It's so fucking hard cooking for her that there isn't a fucking reason not to complain. She says that I have bad habbits with my food, she don't ...

I feel like a ice cube, that's only getting colder. 

So my brother knows me 'big secret' and literally the only reason why I told him so he wouldn't be all surprised if he saw me and plus I could also just carry on and not have to worry about hiding anything. Anyway, ages ago he told me his secret (aka his fetish) and I was just like... Okay? Because I'm not a hater, I don't judge welll not with people I like anyway. Aside from that he started judging me, he was just like sorry I can't talk to you, knowing what you told me. So I was so freakin' angry, I started telling him off and then he twists it around and tells me off? Who is in the wrong here? Please, people! I was so furious with him, I just though no, don't go down to his level be the better person and walk away, so I did. Aside from that shit, I had some good shit. Woop Woop! My new shoes came, but instead of going insane and freaking out that I had these amazing shoes, I was just literally like 'About fucking time.' so it wasn't that...

My parents can make me so fucking angry. Guess what they did? They invaded my privacy, and that is a serious no-no. They went on my fucking phone!? WTF!!! Just because I was out of the house and I forgot my phone, doesn't mean you can freaking do that! I WANT TO SCREAM IN THERE FACES!!!!! THEY MAKE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY. So you can't get onto my phone then what do you do? GO on my ipod touch? Like seriously? Do you not want your child to have privacy? I mean it's like me going into there room and looking through there stuff, you just don't do it. AND THEN WHAT DO THEY DO? They freakin' question me on it, I have to think of excuses so quickly it's unbelivable, for every lie that i've ever told I put a coin in the jar, I'd be a billionaire. (or whatever the saying is) Anyway aside from that, I had a pretty awesome-kinda-boring-in-places-but-still-pretty-more-interesting-then-my-normal-life time.