My Life

Everything is just going fine. Not fine fine, as in I'm just saying fine but I really hate it, well maybe a bit of that. But it's going okay I guess then. Everything is slowly repairing itself, I feel tons more happier with a new set of friends, I watched The Fault In Our Stars and I'm married to it now. I'm getting personalised shoes with two quotes from the move. 'The Thing about pain is it demands to be felt.' 'My thoughts are in the stars. I cannot fathom into consellations.' and they have 'Okay? Okay.' written on them to! Omg LOVE IT! Coming next month though because they have to be made first. I definitely have to read the book after I finished Matched. So excited!

Today, I got a phone call from school. Well my Dad did. And it was my head of year. My head of year told my Dad everything. And the counciling department actually said they would keep it confidential and not involve parents. But my head of year went against that and told my parents. My mother screamed at me, whilst my Dad gave me a dissapproving look. She kept mentioning her reputation was ruined, whilst my Dad just kept asking questions and when I was about to say something he'd just shout over me saying that it was wrong. I guess the support from home wasn't going to come anytime soon, nor was the support from school. My friends (my real ones) were really nice, and they could see it exactly from my prespective. They even said that what I did was right. I don't feel anger, I just feel curiousity of how this is going to escalate... I might not even have a laptop to publish a post anymore.

This post is going to be dedicated to my dear friends P and C. Let's start with P, a slut-faced shit-headed fat ugly turn off. She has ugly green eyes which are uneven and shaped funny. A bold patch on her forehead. White hair that makes her look like an albino or a really old great grandma. Freckle covered face with fat cheeks and crinkles under her eyes (not bags but flab) a chin that sticks out and an uneven placement of teeth and a weird shaped face that makes her look obese. Then she has a problem with her digestive system which makes her shit all the time. What would want to go out with that? Then you have C aka Courtney who looks like a boy, she is really chubby and doesn't have any facial features which make her interesting. Boring grey eyes. Dull Brown hair which she always puts in a ponytail. A deaf boys voice. A nose that sticks out and a sticky out chin too. Oh she's also adopted and she gets anything she wants, meaning she's spoilt. And god as a wish please...

Oh my god, my brother is seriously pissing me off. First, he gets in my business and causes something that may force me to change schools then he argues saying that it is all my fault!? And I'm like Bitch, if you didn't say that in the first place, Non of this would have happened. Anyway Yes, I may have to change schools. And am I really bothered? Nope, not really. But by leaving it makes it seem like the enemy has own and they haven't I've just moved on to a bigger opponent. 

Yesterday was the breaking point. I literally thought I was going to die. If I wasn't going to kill myself now, I would kill myself in my sleep. I was that depressed that I was going to kill myself. But I stopped. I don't know why, but I just stopped. It was as if someone had just stopped me. Maybe it was just because I was exhausted and didn't have enough energy to commit suicide or maybe it was because there was a voice in my head, telling me to stop. I even thought about killing myself today, because of how my so called best friend was with me. It was a different side to her, I was horrified. What has she turned into? Was she always this bitchy?  A Message to all 'Cutters' Dear Cutters, (Like Me) I cut because of depression. Not because I was to throw my life away (well maybe that) but because I'm depressed. Because everyday I get home from school and I want a hug, but theres no one to hug, theres no one to understand, but me. So I hug myself. But ...

Carlos my new flavour of the month. He's a guy I met online. And he's....HOT!!! Literally those ridiculously unbelievably hot guys of ex on the beach he's one of them. And maybe I could have a long term relationship with him, OMG imagine that! And he likes Me For me.

 Just want to die, my so called 'friends' have made me feel this way. I hate Her the most. I won't say anything too bad because she has the link to this blog and she is probably going to report it as online bullying or something. Anyway, she ruins everything, it was perfectly fine till she came, she destroys friendships and she doesn't even apologise or feel guilty. Snidey Bitch. And no this isn't you C.

My Life Sucks.