My Life

Wow, just when you think things in your life were bad, they go fucking worse. I can't believe for a second I even thought that I could ever love my parents, or anyone for the matter. In this world, the only one you can rely on is yourself. I think the nicest way to describe my parents relationship with me is caring, or over protective, the honest way to describe it is suffocation. I think this might just be all going to my heart to fast, my head was hurting so much with all the stress that when I was holding it, I left nail marks on my head. Everything feels so scary, like you're on close watch. Anyone out there, never trust any counsellor or close friend because all they'll do is backstabbing you, and turn your life into the repeating hell hole mine is. It's 17 months till my 16. Then I'll be free. I'm taking a bath, and I might come out. If I feel like it.

So my counsellor decided to tell my parents that I tried to commit suicide. Well done, you just made everything better! I mean it's great now I can't go anywhere without my parents! Thanks you fucking bitch. I'm under constant supervision so I can't even breathe. And instead of my parents worrying about me, they're worried about they're reputation, and how this might effect there image, oh and apparently social services are going to 'investigate' now according to my mother. What the hell? You really take things to the extreme and that's coming from the kid who attempted suicide. And what was really fucking annoying is that this happened like a week ago, why didn't you address it last week? I could've fucking killed myself then. Woah, they must really want me to kill my self because they're giving me a fucking reason to. My Dad was... well my Dad and was surprisingly a little supportive not entirely but a little. And my mother... oh my god...

A part of me is disapointed but a part of me is relieved. I'm asking myself did I really want this? I just really don't know anymore. I'm sad sometimes, i'm mad, i'm flirty, i'm crazy, i'm jokey, i'm friendly, i'm happy. It's just all over the place. And I realise that the world is so much more confusing than I thought it would be. Science can't explain everything, it can't. Only you're imagination can. I'm trying to rebuild myself from that fall and slowly get up to the top again and maintain it and try my best not to fall again. I'm doing small steps to improving my looks. Naturally I'd say that I'm above average in appearance but with all the make up and fake tan and fake boobs and fake ass and fake hair people put on themselves I don't stand a chance. I'm not going to wear a cake ton because I don't want to look fake but I might wear a little bit here and there, maybe a nude-coloured lip liner that is t...