Hard to Love, Hard to Live

It was hard, hard to move on after all I loved Luke. I was obssessed with him but now there is just a piece of me that tells me to move on. I think I got it pretty loud and clear - he doesn't like me. Love is so stupid, I wish it never existed. I wish we were with who we want to be with. Its hard to move on, don't people get that. We've already had 2 fights, most involved ignorance from Luke. School was pretty shit today to, I had to read out in Class a stupid book called 'Darkside'. My voice is awful, I hate talking let alone reading a whole page of information. And I know it is just going to get worse, PE tommorow. My heart aches, constantly looking at your phone just to see if hes messaged you back. And I was tired of it, can he not just be a little considerate. I know we are not or ever going to be together (he made it clear in our last fight) but I just want my friend back, even if he was my crush. Well now that I think about it i'm always chasing him, well now i've got two words for him. Fuck You.

 Those words constantly rang in my head, I wasn't sure if they were for him or for me. Anyway just listening to Lily Allen's 'Fuck You' just made it so much better for me. But the fact that the song only went on for 3 minutes was irritating. My life is not 3 minutes long.

 Depression was constantly sitting by my side. And no one could cheer me up, I can't tell my parents because then i'll have to tell them EVERYTHING, can't tell my brother because he will tell my parents. I felt really alone, my school friends were distant, my family were distant and even my online friends needed some time away from me. Urgh. High school sucks. Primary sucks to. Infact my whole life sucks all together.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It wasn't that bad...

Image
Okay, I'm not going to lie. Today was not as bad as I thought it would be. Partially because I was being praised by my strict but sexy PE teacher so that just made my PE lesson a whole lot better. Especially when we were doing warm ups, when we had to stretch our legs as high up as we could, he said 'Well Done' and also said that I have great 'flexibility'. I wouldn't mind spending a lunch time or two with him! Jack was being a pain in the arse to Callum. Callum would say Hi and Jack would literally say Fuck You. Callum tried shaking hands at the end of the lesson but Jack refused and slapped his hand! Sheesh! Whats the deal? I mean its not nice to bully people. And Callum has not done ANYTHING to Jack, so Jack, you 300 kilos of good-for-nothing shit FUCK OFF! Anyway, Courtney was totally acting different then usual. She wasn't smiling or laughing or burping or farting or breathing or any other kind of crap. She was just silent, like yesterday but a little b...
Read more

Last Night's Post

Okay so today, I did a handful of things you could say, mostly involving the internet but it was something. I went to my 'other' drama lesson and I swear to god that room is so hot, it was okay we didn't really do much acting but that was alright. I kept working on my Beyond Two Souls game, I even played Beyond yesterday and I looked at a couple of gameplay footage of Assassin's Creed Liberation, I was really interested in that game mainly since you get to play as this awesome female protagonist but the time setting really got to me. And it inspired me to make my own fanfiction of what Assassin's Creed V will be like. Urgh. My paint is being weird so it hasn't saved. I'll post a picture when I get the issue sorted. I'm so bummed out over coming back to school again, after all Courtney won't be there so I will have to deal with all the other school friends who aren't as fantastic. Anyway my brother won't let me type any more, so I'll have ...
Read more

Some things just don't change...

My grandma actually chose a pretty fine restraunt it's ashamed it was filled with a load of middle-aged pricks, it would've been a nice place. I didn't even have chance to go to the toilet and purchase a condom since we were sat in some lame booth which I was feeling really claustrophobic in. As expected my family continuously argued over what everyone was 'having' from the menu providing it was within our vouchers range. That food looked magniffy, it tasted like magniffy but it felt like crap inside I think I'm suffering from food poisoning. Urgh.
Read more