Self Harm

Yesterday was the breaking point. I literally thought I was going to die. If I wasn't going to kill myself now, I would kill myself in my sleep. I was that depressed that I was going to kill myself. But I stopped. I don't know why, but I just stopped. It was as if someone had just stopped me. Maybe it was just because I was exhausted and didn't have enough energy to commit suicide or maybe it was because there was a voice in my head, telling me to stop. I even thought about killing myself today, because of how my so called best friend was with me. It was a different side to her, I was horrified. What has she turned into? Was she always this bitchy? 

A Message to all 'Cutters'

Dear Cutters, (Like Me)

I cut because of depression. Not because I was to throw my life away (well maybe that) but because I'm depressed. Because everyday I get home from school and I want a hug, but theres no one to hug, theres no one to understand, but me. So I hug myself. But I get tired of hugging myself, I get tired of talking to myself and reassuring myself that it can only get better. I'm sick of always having to be so selfless. Because making me selfless also makes me depressed, and lowers my self esteem. When I get home from school, my father asks me 'How was school?' and guess what I say? I say, 'Alright' not because it was good, or alright, not because I don't have the balls to say that it was terrible not because I don't want to tell him, not because he'll make me change schools but because I don't want to share my depression with him. I don't want him worried about me, I don't want to be a burden on him, I think he is going through a lot already. And I'm sure that's pretty much how most of you are feeling, well close to that. You probably have worse problems than me. But I can understand, it's hard to stop. It becomes a habbit, an addiction even, and it's part of your routine when your feeling down. So people need to stop with the jokes and start to understand what people are going through.

Love Me,