It didn't work

A part of me is disapointed but a part of me is relieved. I'm asking myself did I really want this? I just really don't know anymore. I'm sad sometimes, i'm mad, i'm flirty, i'm crazy, i'm jokey, i'm friendly, i'm happy. It's just all over the place. And I realise that the world is so much more confusing than I thought it would be. Science can't explain everything, it can't. Only you're imagination can. I'm trying to rebuild myself from that fall and slowly get up to the top again and maintain it and try my best not to fall again. I'm doing small steps to improving my looks. Naturally I'd say that I'm above average in appearance but with all the make up and fake tan and fake boobs and fake ass and fake hair people put on themselves I don't stand a chance. I'm not going to wear a cake ton because I don't want to look fake but I might wear a little bit here and there, maybe a nude-coloured lip liner that is the same colour as my natural lips just because then it hides the chap and dryness I\get from them. And maybe a little bit of mascara and eyelash curler and only very rarely eyeliner (but only on the top lash line). Possibly some concealer as well to hide my spots. I'm also buying some different kind of looks, fishnet gloves and tights, corsets from Ann Summers (kinky, I know) and lacey corset gloves aswell. Anyway so this week, I'm going without a counselling session, Yay... Hopefully nothing bad will happen. Well my brother just called me a desperate cunt so I'm off to a good start!

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