Suffocating Society

 I am here today to talk about how suffocating life can be. And not even life but this society. Death used to scare me so much because it was an end to something that can be so great. But as I grow older I realise death is also a blessing; it's an end to something that can be so suffocating. 

I feel so much pain in my heart and I feel constant suffering in life. And the same feelings that I had when I attempted suicide return to me now. I attempted suicide because there was no escape, no end. But now I can't end it because there's so much I need to accomplish and live for. And I have stopped self harming, but it means that there's no outpour to this misery anymore. Honestly, there's so much hurt everywhere that I can't even find a safe haven, somewhere where I can truly enjoy myself. 

I want to talk about society and people. And how selfish and inconsiderate everyone is. I do claim the first part of being selfish but I do not claim the incosiderate part. I have always tried to be nice to everyone, and all I have gotten back in life, is being used and abused. Why do people have to be so mean? Why do they have to tear you down to feel better about themselves? And I can't fucking escape it. I can't even recieve medical treatment without being stared down or shouted at or scolded by a fucking medical professional. Even if I'm kind and don't question them. I have no friends anymore, not one.  The only people I talk to now are guys that want to fuck me. Even my fucking parents don't ask me if I'm okay. Like I'm so so sad. Someone might not have a lot of confidence, or self esteem and when you keep on chipping and chipping away at it, it's hard to stay up. It's hard to stay alive. I'm falling apart, mentally, medically, and the recovery is years and years away. I have been waiting for years and years and I am sooo tired and exhausted. I don't want to wait anymore. I'm so tired of waiting for everything. Korea was so great, it was God giving me that small glimpse of happiness. I'll talk about Korea another time, I spent 4 months in Korea this Summer and it was a rollercoaster but it was magical, and I had never felt so happy before. It opened my eyes that there is somewhere where I can feel happy and not judged. 

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