A New Taste

I'm sick of acting happy when I'm not. When I lost my voice, it made me notice something. I couldn't laugh so I had to smile. It kind of felt better, a lot better. I guess being able to have a reason not to talk to anyone was pretty good. But at times I wish I could speak. Like when Luke spoke to me. His lips looked moist. Mine felt dry. His hands looked cold. Mine felt warm. He looked calm. I was panicking inside. And I needed a break. So I wrote that I needed a toilet and showed the teacher. In the toilet people must be wondering what the hell am I doing in there and why I take so long. It's because I am trying to calm myself down. And it isn't being hyper or high, it's having an anxiety attack or 'panick attack' but I prefer to call it anxiety attack because it's caused by my anxiety. Stepping aside from that, if you're wondering what 'a new taste' means, it's not some hidden message. It's actually pretty simple, it's a new taste in style, music, persona.
Style = I'm finally getting into make up. And I'm turning my slut side on, I'm interested in fishnets stockings, corsets, lingerine and all the kind of slooty stuff. Haha, I'm not going to be able to do it when I'm old old so why not just do it now?
Music = Lana Del Rey. I fucking love her. She is so beautiful. Her voice is so beautiful. Her lyrics are so beautiful. Her songs are so beautiful. She just controls me.
Persona = I'm just going to be quiet, and I'm not going to laugh and smile constantly because of my social anxiety. I'm going to get that shit under control and smile when I want and laugh if I want to.

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