Killing Me Slowly

It is mentally and physically killing me to live here. Nothing I do or say will change anything but make things worse. I'm surprised I'm still alive, really. Everyday is another blow at me, I'm getting weaker and weaker. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm screaming help me but nobody will listen, I don't know what to do. Why does everyday seem longer than the last, although I have survived a big wave, an even bigger one is coming to knock me down, to kill me again and again and again. They always think there the victims in this, who is the one getting another shelf of everyone else's problems on them everyday. You say that I never ask you how your day went? That's because you always tell me how it went. You say I never give you a hug? Because I don't even want to look at you after the things you've said - even saying hello is a push. You say I never ask you how you are? You always tell me, and you never ask me how I am, I clearly am sad (it's pretty fucking obvious when nearly all the teachers give me a sympathetic look and some ask me how I'm doing) but the rare times you do ask, I'll say the same thing, "I'm Fine." It's the easiest thing to say, yes I'm lying but it's so that I'm not saying I'm good or I'm sad or going to detail about everything that makes me sad but just so that no one can worry about me or judge me, which you always do. You mention my spots? How many times do you think I've tried to get rid of them with as many different ways as possible sometimes I get so frustrated about people noticing them I tear of the skin beneath them. You mention my clothes? You chose these, yes that's right, I can't even pick my own clothes not even my own underwear. You mention my hair? Probably the only thing that I can keep to myself and that's because they let me grandma (who is actually nice to me) do my hair, even then you always comment on it and insult it, 'You really don't suit that colour.' 'Hah, you're going blonde now?', 'Do school even let you do that?', 'You have olive skin, you're not white like us so you don't suit having lighter hair.', 'This is why black people shouldn't have blonde hair.' 'Ugh, your natural colour was so much better.' Do you know where I've heard this before? In my head, you may say these things but you've already been beaten to it, I've already insulted my self a thousand times before everyday when I look in the mirror. Anyway, I have to go for another yelling and complaining session against me. Life is so cruel.