Christmas Eve

One day and one night left until Christmas. The 25th December. The date always reminds me of the end of the year. The end of 2014, another year of my life that has gone. But I congratulate myself, I could keep myself from suicide for a whole year - it's a long time if you ask me. Especailly when these thoughts happen ever so often, and the panick attacks, and the worrying, and the crying, and the self harm. Now, I'm not saying I'm suffering the worst because I'm not. The poor and homeless are suffering more than me. I think if I learnt anything this year, it was that- I'll leave that for New Year's Eve. This is Christmas, everyone expects you to be so darn happy when, really you kind of feel like crap. And I know that the feeling is everyday so why should Christmas be any different? But it is, it's different because you see all these families and friends bonding, sharing, accepting. And you can't help but wish that you had that. Well that's how I feel. But I do guess in some places I enjoy Christmas, holidays, gender-neutral clothes, presents, cheesy songs but their is something that I hate above all of that and that is - it's unrealistic. Christmas isn't really that happy and 'merry'. It isn't. Most people don't even know why we have Christmas, or who Jesus or God is. It's honestly just a time, where shops can bunk up there prices for presents, make a fortune out of gifts, for parents to fill there kids with more nonsense about Santa, and for people to make cheesy songs for money and movies for even more money. But I guess, it's fine. It's just me being different - yet again.

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