I don't know where I'm going.

What am I doing? Where am I going? When should I? So many questions and there's only one person that can answer them - me. But I don't know. I thought I had my future all planned out (well at least after I leave school) but I don't think so anymore. The original plan was for me and my current best friend to live together in London or wherever we were going, 1 cat, 1 dog. The plan actually sounds a bit unbelievable when I hear it to be honest. I thought I couldn't commit to anything but I was wrong I can't commit to anything because they don't commit to me. Now that I think about it all my past friends had got bored of me and found other friends, they moved on maybe I should to. I missed my chance, I had the choice in September to change schools. It was my own stupid thought that since I got friends now I should be okay but I'm not. My parents were actually right, for once, I needed that fresh start. If I couldn't deal with the past, I had to escape from it.
Today my best friend, who I thought I could trust, turned round and said to me that Courtney and P were in the right and I was in the wrong and that I shouldn't hold grudges. I was shocked. Especially because it came from her, I told her EVERYTHING. Just to find that she throws it back in my face.
My eyes are so puffy from crying. My face has the same expression because it's the only emotion I'm every feeling - sadness. My vision is cloudy from crying so much, so I can't even read the pain out. I really just want to cut the pain out...

I need to try, try and stay strong. I just keep plodding onwards. That word 'plodding', it reminds me of the Christmas song. Christmas. At least that's one happy thing coming. For Christmas there is only one thing I want, forgiveness from everybody that I've ever hurt.

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