Ben? No. Real guy? Still no.

 So you know how I was talking about Ben in the last post. Well. He turned out to be a catfish. Haha, just my luck. Honestly, sometimes it feels like there's some being working against me, when it comes to my love life, like everyone around me has had these romantic experiences, even those in similar positions to me. And yet, I have somehow never had those experiences. I think some of it is partly due to my low self-esteem, and being shy, and also the fact that I can even find pretty hot guys not attractive. I have some weird sort of attraction system, when I see them I sort of know in that moment. And usually I have a good sort of gut-feeling on this, like I like a guy and usually our personalities mesh well together.

Anyway, so I got cat fished by this Ben. Remember, I talked about him not replying for a few days or even being online. Well it's cause that's not fucking him! He was even verified on the app, like how bad is that. He got verified for pictures that aren't even him. It's completely made me not trust dating apps anymore, and made me go off them. At least for now. Ugh and it's so annoying because all my guy friends keep saying to meet a guy the old fashioned way, or why do I need to meet a guy. And to the first answer, when you're trans, it's like yeah sure a guy will be attracted to my looks and my personality, and literally like everything about me. But, but, but, the moment he knows I'm trans, his love turns to hatred and disgust. It's so fucking annoying. I didn't choose to be trans, I'm not just who I am now, I have always been me. Anyway so I eventually got a message from this Ben. And we talked a lot, and he seemed more responsive this time. And then he asked for more pictures, and we're going back and forth flirting. And I think, oh, maybe he just wants to see if I'm like real, or if I look like what he's thinking. I thought it was vain, and not really what I wanted in a guy. It's usually an indicator that he's going to jerk off to you. Anyway I did because I liked the guy, they weren't X-rated, and they weren't anything that I hadn't already uploaded on my story before. So I asked him for more pictures because I felt like it should be equal. And he sent me pictures, the exact same pictures on his profile, except- He sent me a screenshot too of an Instagram account, saying that what did I think of this guy, who was his friend he said. The picture of the instagram didn't really look too alike the other pictures, and most of the face was covered so I thought they were two different people. And I said that I didn't know his friend and I was interested in him. For me this was red flags left right and centre. At first I thought, that he's not interested in me and just trying to wing man. Because that's literally what he said that he was wingmanning for his friend. So I asked him if he was actually interested in me, because I could take it and I didn't want to waste my time. And he seemed like he was panicking and said he was, then I started to get more suspicious that he may actually not be related to that person at all in the photos. So I said 'Is that you in the pictures? It's okay you can tell me if it isn't I like your personality enough to get to know you'.

And he took the bait and said 'Really?' and I said 'Yeah, I want to get to know the real you' and he admitted he wasn't him, and said he wished he looked like him. Yada, yada he went on about how he was kind of a troubled kid. And the thing is, I would have sympathy for him if it had been any other way. He used someone else's photos, and went through the trouble of getting verified. He not only added me but many other people. He matched with me, because of my looks and because of his fake pictures and unlawful verification status. And then he did all that back and forth talk, got to know me, flirt with me, I even shared some personal stuff, and then he has the audacity to ask me for more pictures of myself. He liked me purely for my looks, he only got to know me for my looks, he wanted to see more of my looks. At any point, he could've admitted to it, why did I have to find out? And it said he had been on the app for a month, how many people did he do this to? 

So, I contacted the actual guy on instagram, and we had a good conversation - initially. And I explained what had happened, I also asked if he wanted to be friends. FRIENDS! Because I wanted to at least get something out of it. And then he kept going on about how cute I was, and how sexy I was and how I seem like his type. And I was like you know you don't have to pretend to be interested in being friends if you don't want to. And he said Why, you're not secretly a man or something?. Yeah just my fucking luck, this guy that likes my vibes and personality and looks is now worried because I was on a LGBT dating app that I might be a man. Like I know what people are thinking, that I should say that I'm trans here, but the thing is it's not a direct answer to his question. Me being trans doesn't make me a man. And then we were talking a bit more, I didn't really say anything to that because I thought such a question doesn't deserve a response. He then said later on that I seem too good to be true, and asked me if there are any red flags, like if I used to be a man or something. Because he kept mentioning this in our short conversation I kinda started to get conscious that oh, he's getting suspicious. In that moment I decided that I'm not going down that road with him, I deserve better. I did ask why did he keep asking that, and he said that there was no reason and that I'm very pretty, attractive and sexy. But not only do these questions seem kinda suspicious, the guy who I was talking to works at the railway, and the guy in the photos also works on the railway, and also lived in the same area that the catfish said only 6 months ago... Combined with the continuous questioning, makes me kinda wonder whether this guy actually was the catfish, or if the guy was a friend of the catfish.