Will it ever be my turn?

 So today, I'm updating on the fact that nothing particularly interesting has happened. I think I myself would rather over detail things so that I don't have to rely solely on triggering memories when reading back these posts. And perhaps in the future I'll cut down these posts. I was recently reading through some  of my old posts, and some of the feelings just feel so foreign to me, it reminds me that people can really change. And it's opened my eyes to the fact that all the horrible people that I've condoned to being never communicated with ever again might actually be decent people now. But that also means that all the good people that I once knew might not even be that good anymore... It's definitely something to think about. 

I keep trying to persuade myself to watch my lectures or work on my webtoon, but I just always have the desire to do something else. Something that I enjoy. It kinda keeps making me rethink doing computer science as a degree. It's too late to turn back now, and I'll keep pursuing until I actually graduate. But my heart just isn't in it. I want to be an actress, I want to be a model, I want to be a performer, a singer. I want to share myself with the world in a way that I want to be appreciated. I have lived so much of my life in the shadows, not being the centre of attention. Or (if I ever did have any attention on me) it not being because I was 'different' to others, and it for always being something negative. My whole life I've felt really supressed, it feels like only now since being in university that I've truly had my freedom, and had some sense to be my true self. And that comes after many many birthdays of feeling that suppression. I think that's why internally it annoys me when I always get talked over, or people just blatantly ignore me, or don't care for what I want. When can I stop listening and doing what others want, when can it be my turn?